• Daniel Dacanay

Prime Minister Plane-Jacker? Recently Discovered 'Documents' Cast Disturbing Clouds Over Tru

Portland, 1971 . A non-descript, middle-aged man boards Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305, a thirty minute flight to Seattle. Only ten minutes after boarding the plane, the man, under the alias Dan Cooper, reveals a bomb in his attaché case, demanding 200 000 American dollars and a parachute. Upon being provided these objects, Cooper exits the plane, and swiftly vanishes from all known records. Despite exhaustive searches of the area surrounding his purported landing site, Cooper was never found, and his whereabouts, and eventual fate, remain a mystery to this very day.

However, is it possible that this man, engrained in public memory as ‘D.B. Cooper’, became the 23rd Prime Minister of Canada? Despite the seemingly far-fetched nature of this claim, recently discovered documents appear to indicate a correlation between the plane-jacker and the beloved Liberal politician. Both men are white, non-dwarf males with brown eyes, and the date of the infamous Flight 305 Hijacking, November 24, 1975, hijacking appears to coincide directly with the birth of Justin Trudeau, which occurred on Christmas Day of that same year. Indeed, these very claims are supported directly in a number of contemporary archival records, such as the 1899 novella Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, in which Conrad writes this chilling postulation:

“He [Justin Trudeau] was a [planejacker], too... covering the slope with a mass of naked, breathing, quivering bronze bodies.”

-Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness , 1899

Evidence such as this appears to contradict the public image of Justin Trudeau, who is viewed by the Canadian public as ‘rather better than most tramps'.

Accepting D.B. Cooper as Justin Trudeau clears a variety of discrepancies with Justin Trudeau’s early life, a time wrought with contradictions and inaccurate record-keeping. According to his state issued biography, Trudeau was born to a peasant family in Kazakhstan in 1921. After receiving a brief clerical education, it is said that he joined the Brigadas Internacionales in the Spanish Civil War in 19393, and was wounded in action during a patrol after only 3 months of duty. Returning to Canada, Trudeau violently seized power in a coup d’etat in 2015, and has been Prime Minister of Canada since. There are numerous glaring inconsistencies between this biography and various archival records. To begin, it is nearly impossible that Trudeau, a man with virtually no political experience, could have orchestrated a coup d’etat with the scarce resources of the Canadian Liberal Front, especially not with only months of preparation time between his return from the Spanish Civil War and his coup. However, if Trudeau were to unexpectedly gain 200 000 American dollars to support his political upheaval, such a coup becomes an entirely reasonable occurrence, especially in consideration that, should Trudeau have invested the funds in stocks for Apple Inc. , he would possess over $28m by the time of his seizure of power.

The general narrative of the theory states that, after having returned from the Spanish Civil War, Trudeau hijacked Flight 305 under the alias Dan Cooper to secure funds for the Canadian Liberal Front, using his extensive combat explosives experience attained from his service as an anti-tank rifleman during the war to create a fake suitcase-bomb. After his successful escape, Trudeau used a substantial portion of the funds to clear his name, reserving the remainder to fund the CLF.

Despite the seemingly watertight evidence, there do exist discrepancies within the Cooper-Trudeau Hypothesis. What was the ultimate fate of the parachute? How did Cooper grow 4.3 inches before adopting the alias of Justin Trudeau? In spite of these inconsistencies, the ever-popular theory explaining the origins of Justin Trudeau remain what is rapidly becoming the most widely accepted hypothesis as to the origin of the enigmatic Canadian politician.