• H. E. Pennypacker

IB does DC


On Sunday, April 22nd, more than three dozen grade eleven IB students departed for Washington, D.C.

Some called the trip a “masquerade”, seeing it merely as a chance for Mr. Connors to further his dangerous obsession with JFK. Accompanying the Kennedy fanboy on the trip as chaperones were Mr. Williams, Mrs. Clarke, and Mrs. Martin. Connors, much like the 35th President, broke some promises along the way: he promised Starbucks to the first five students to sign up for the trip, yet failed to purchase anything for each of the five.

The headquarters of the “IBdoesDC” trip was the Hilton Garden Inn, located in Vienna, Virginia. There, they were met with a warm welcome from eccentric locals dressed in animal costumes lingering outside the Walmart that they'd stopped at to buy supplies. Overall, the hotel was good, with one exception: the gym (which powerlifter Niall Moan called “derelict” and “laughable”), which was not up to the guests’ Fitness FX standards. At the hotel, students were put into three or four person predetermined rooms.

These cramped, unsanitary conditions sparked “showergate”, a scandal in which Mr. Connors and tour guide Lisa were repeatedly forced to demand that students maintain hygienic practices which were being neglected. Room 214 became a hotbed of activity, hosting games of Cards against Humanity that had been brought by Andrew Henteleff, WWE and TV Poker enthusiast. However, perhaps the strangest thing in the rooms was pretty boy Ryan Simpson, whose “abnormal” sleeping habits left his roommates frightened.

The groups hit up such landmarks as Ben’s Chili Bowl, the Lincoln Memorial, the Capitol Building, Arlington Cemetery, and a host of museums. While on the history oriented trip, noted try hard Patrik Fraser sanctimoniously yapped on about his knowledge of American presidents, which the group saw as superfluous at the best of times. Although interesting, the group found the presenter at Ford’s Theatre soporific, putting many of them to sleep during his long talk.

Amongst the numerous hat cladded Trump supporters, the Canadian tour group felt out of place, lamenting the manners (or lack thereof) of their southern neighbours. “Children would just walk right in front of of when you were reading about the museum artifacts,” Sohun Pinto complained. However, Matt Smith (6’6 superstar on the JV Boys Basketball team) enjoyed a vertical advantage making him immune to obstructions of view. Yet, he was reportedly asked nearly twenty times how tall he was, which had a proclivity of triggering him on the bus rides back.

Some academic students viewed the excursion with indifference, even contempt: Jakub Scheffler, Pre IB dropout and rascaxallian, posted on his social media that no one “cared about the IB Washington trip”, after seeing all the posts from the sites in D.C.

All in all, The IB D.C. trip was phenomenal, a great place to see amazing monuments, enjoy nice weather, experience another country, and have a good time with the boys.